Similarity or complementarity: what helps us connect?
Sometimes a shared outlook makes conversation feel effortless. At other times, a different perspective catches your attention. Both experiences can matter: explore where you want common ground and where you enjoy each other’s differences.
Editorial adaptation based on the joint MyDestiny press material by Zoltán Jónás and András Vikár, with the sources listed below.
Common ground has several layers
The MyDestiny press material credited to Zoltán Jónás and András Vikár discusses similarity alongside complementarity. A practical way to explore this is through everyday decisions, shared activities and the support you offer each other.
You might share a commitment to reliability while one of you plans weekends carefully and the other enjoys spontaneity. A shared value and a different habit can coexist. What matters in practice is how you make room for both.
What does research say about similarity?
Horwitz and colleagues’ 2023 analysis found partner similarities across many of the traits studied. Political and religious attitudes and educational attainment showed stronger associations than many personality traits. The study analysed male–female couples and describes patterns across groups. [1]
A useful reflection is: which values matter most to me, and where would I welcome a different perspective?
The history behind our choices
Tamás Bereczkei’s study comparing Szondi with modern biology offers a historical perspective on the place of choice and family history in Szondi’s thinking. The author also discusses revising the genetic explanations of that period. [2]
For personal reflection, this suggests a question: which relationship experiences feel familiar to me, and what would I like to shape deliberately in my next relationship?
When can a difference feel complementary?
Imagine a fictional couple: one readily starts conversations at a social event, while the other prefers to observe first. By discussing what feels comfortable, they can shape the evening together. If one person always adapts, they can look for a new arrangement.
Complementarity in this example is cooperation shaped by both people. Leave room to change roles in another situation, too.
Three conversation starters
When did a shared decision last make you feel that we see things similarly?
Which difference between us brings something good to daily life?
How do we tell each other when we want more support or independence?
How does MyDestiny fit in?
MyDestiny’s two visual-choice exercises explore your own perspective and your imagined partner’s perspective. Read the four personal chemistry-map axes separately from the five areas in a relationship comparison.
Choose an area that matters to you and connect it with an everyday example. This gives the map’s language personal meaning and can help start a conversation.
Sources and further reading
The press material is the conceptual starting point. Research is identified separately in the text.
- Horwitz et al. (2023): Evidence of correlations between human partners
- Tamás Bereczkei: Szondi és a modern biológia, PDF pages 1–4
Continue exploring
An inner compass for online dating
How the visual-choice test works (Hungarian)
Create a MyDestiny account